"You might need to be a little more directional in your efforts so the person is clear you are being more than friendly. Especially if you're flirting with someone of the same gender, or any situation where the relationship between the two of you wouldn't be the conventional cis-heteronormative one, it may be necessary to be a little more overt about your interest. That said, one area where gender may actually be important to the flirting experience is when it comes to LGBTQ+ dating, Boodram notes. Be mindful of the small ways people can show they care." "Sometimes, flirting doesn't come in the form we are used to experiencing it. "We all have to accept that people can't read minds," Boodram adds. So then the male-female question kind of becomes superfluous because it's not really about that. "You have to find your own flavor and definition of that. What one person finds flirty won't always be the same as what another person finds flirty. "Flirting is so personal," Artschwager explains. Rather than it being about a difference in how different genders flirt, it's more about acknowledging the differences between individuals. Try to take rejection lightly, too-not everyone is going to be into what you're putting down, and that's OK!īoodram and Artschwager agree on this point: How to flirt with a guy and how to flirt with a girl is all the same. Take no for an answer, and keep it moving. "Rather than finding other means of communication, such as approaching them again over a DM, take this as a sign that they may not be the right person for you." If the other person isn't reciprocating the interest, don't take that as an invitation to try harder or approach them again in another medium, she adds. "If it's in person, look at their body language: Have they stepped away from the conversation, or are they not making direct eye contact with you? If you're flirting with someone over text message or a dating app like Bumble, are they giving you short, one-worded answers? Be aware of when conversations are fizzling out and you're not getting a response." "I recommend that you assess (and reassess!) how the other person is reacting to you," Boodram says. Speaking of paying attention, make sure the person you're trying to flirt with is into it before you keep at it! While someone has to make the first move, flirting only works if the interest is then reciprocated. Ask thoughtful questions, and see if the interest is mutual. If you think someone's cool, ask them to take a walk with you. Go at your own pace!"ĭon't worry about nailing the art of flirting smoothly or jumping to make big overtures right away. "Don't feel pressured to dive headfirst into flirting if that doesn't feel natural to you, especially after the past few years where we've all had limited social contact. "People can also keep this same approach in mind when it comes to flirting," Boodram explains. In the lockdown era, she explains, that meant dating gradually, starting with having a series of casual video dates ( yes, it's possible to flirt on Zoom), then meeting up for a low-key socially distanced date like a walk in the park, then moving to something more intimate. While people often associate flirting with showing you want to date or have sex, research shows people flirt for all sorts of reasons 1 : to see if there's sexual or romantic potential, yes, but also sometimes just to make the other person feel good, to boost one's own self-esteem, or even just to be playful and have fun with someone.Īccording to Boodram, Bumble observed a trend that emerged from the pandemic called "slow dating," where people have started being more intentional with their dating and truly taking the time to make sure their partners are a good fit. It's about shared curiosity and excitement. Either way, flirting ideally feels good for both people if the feelings are mutual. It's often a fun, lighthearted activity, though it can also involve an invitation to connect on a deeper level. Many different animal species engage in some form of this seduction process, which might include specific gestures, body language, and direct or indirect overtures.Ī more modern, human definition of flirting as it functions in our culture today would be to think of it simply as any method you use to signal to someone that you find them interesting and want to engage with them further. In the scientific sense, flirting is thought of as a process of signaling sexual interest to attract a potential mate.
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